Am I turning into Scrooge in my old age? Or am I having a tougher case of depression than usual this winter? Or is it just too early?
I'm usually a big fan of Christmas. I'm that dorky chick that can't wait to break out the Christmas music, shops for a new special Christmas outfit every year, and wears jingle bell earrings all December. But this year I feel completely indifferent to the whole thing. I wanted to comment on Ellen's post in which she asked for readers' favorite Christmas songs, until I realized I don't have an answer because I'm not even thinking about Christmas music yet. Granted, it is still a bit early (I usually don't start listening to Christmas music until Thanksgiving Day, when my favorite local radio station starts playing it 24/7)... but still, I couldn't think of one song?
Every year in early October we go to the Christmas tree farm and pick out a tree to be cut down the first weekend of December. Except we didn't go this year. There are a lot of reasons why we are considering not getting a tree at all this year. First and foremost is money. We're cutting out a lot of non-essential expenses, and a Christmas tree seems like one of them. Plus, last year we had our hands so full with Brooskey that we never even finished decorating our tree. And now we have two dogs, two crates, Brooskey in a much bigger crate than last year... where would we even put a tree? The saddest part of this is that I don't even care. The thought of not having a tree this Christmas is not upsetting me in the least.
The other thing I do every October is open up my invitation-only Christmas ornament exchange. But not this year. I've had a couple of people ask me about it, and the answer I've given them is that money is too tight for everyone this year. And that is part of it. I've had people complaining about money in years past when I invited them to participate, and the economy is so much worse now than it has ever been before. So I figure, there's zero chance of any of those people joining this year, so what's the point? But it's more than just that. I'll openly admit that I run the ornament exchange every year for completely selfish reasons. Because it's fun for me, normally, and gives me one more outlet for all of my dorky Christmas excitement. But since I'm not feeling any of that excitement this year, I can't bring myself to do all of that work just out of obligation. Yeah, that's probably selfish, too. So sue me.
So what is it? Am I changing? Is Christmas just not important to me anymore? Is it just the economy that's killing my enthusiasm, knowing that I can't afford to buy as many gifts? (I love finding the perfect gift for everyone in my family, and wrapping them up as cute as can be, even knowing that all that hard work will be destroyed in three seconds flat.) Is this loss of interest a symptom of serious depression? Will I start feeling the spirit a bit more as the holiday approaches?
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