I recently read a Dear Abby column which tells the story of a 40-year-old disabled man whose parents (whom he must live with for personal care) punished him for having had a date with an "escort", by banishing his friend who had helped him arrange the date from having contact with him, and by taking away his phone book so that he could not contact his friend.
Granted, "Kent" and his friend may have been misguided in thinking his only chance for a sexual encounter was with someone hired for the purpose - many of us with disabilities will say that, but then no one has really been in his shoes except Kent himself. As for the morality of the situation, I believe everyone has a right to decide his own morals, and that no one should interfere with that right, no matter how much they disagree.
My message here is to parents and other caretakers of disabled adults: We are adults! Our physical dependence on you does not give you the right to continue to control our lives as if we were children. You may have this power, but to use it borders on criminal. We have just as much a right to make our own decisions, and mistakes, as everyone else.
To Kent's parents: You may not like or agree with your son's decisions, but he is 40 years old, very much an adult, and those decisions are his to make. At some point as we become adults, we stop mimicking our parents and develop our own personalities and beliefs... sometimes these resemble those of our parents, and sometimes they do not. You have to accept that. To use a grown man's limitations to your advantage in order to take away his free will, is downright abusive. If I was the friend in question, I would be filing complaints with every agency there is that could do something to get Kent out of this abusive situation.
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