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Last Wednesday was probably the worst day of my life. And the days following were not much better. I would come to work and spend the whole morning crying. In the afternoons I would find something to keep my mind occupied and I would be okay for a few hours. And then I had to go home. Being home is the hardest, because she's supposed to be there. I mean, when I'm away from home, it's almost like I can pretend that everything is normal and Chiqui is waiting for us at home (of course I know that's not the case, but I just don't have to face it for a while). But when I am home and she's not there, is when reality sinks in. Even worse is being home alone, and the worst is going to bed, lying there waiting to fall asleep, and not having her there under the covers, snuggled up against my feet or the bend in my knees, licking the mattress (her own way of soothing herself to sleep).
When the weekend hit, we went into keep-busy-and-don't-think mode. We began cleaning up around the house, putting away the mounds of clean laundry that had been accumulating in the bedroom for months, and with the help of Chris' parents, finished up painting the office and got a good start on the hallway. The walls were a mess and had to be sanded, repaired, and smoothed out, then primed. While the heavy work was being done on Sunday afternoon, I went out with my ex-neighbor Muriel and got a good dose of retail therapy. And Chris' mother was kind enough to come over today while we were working, and finish the painting in the hallway. We went with a pastel yellow, "Banana Cream" actually, and it has really brightened the place up.
Saturday was the first day that I didn't cry. I would have made it through Sunday, too, if I hadn't gotten a big bear hug from Chris' mom. I did all right yesterday, but had a small meltdown come out of nowhere this morning. We are starting to be able to talk about her, even laugh and reminisce about all the nutty things she used to do. And I feel like she's made contact with us a bit, too (go ahead, call me crazy, I really don't care). She had a prominent presence in both of our dreams a few nights ago. And... now this is really going to sound crazy... See, we live right in the flight path for planes landing at T. F. Green Airport. It gets impossible to watch TV at busy times of the day, as you can't hear anything over the planes. We used to jokingly tell Chiquita to go out and "get" the planes for us... to make them stop. Well, on Sunday evening we both realized we hadn't heard one airplane in several days. They did start back up yesterday, which we noticed right away because it had been so quiet.
So, if we hadn't discovered yesterday morning that someone had stolen our satellite radio out of the Pathfinder, I would say that it was a pretty good weekend, in spite of the pain and loss we are going through.
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comment: from Len
Hey Carly, thanks for keeping in touch with us. I know the staying in touch, after Mudge died I encountered him in a dream, the kind that are like being awake. He was in a beautiful meadow chasing creatures and having a wonderful time. The image is lucid to this day. People can say what they wish, but I know it was his way of letting me know he was back to his bouncy happy self in his next existence. This still brings tears as I write a number of years later.
Wed 07/25/2007 2:38 AM
comment: from Tom Trevathan
Carly, look up the poem called "The Rainbow Bridge". It is one of the most moving things I have ever seen, talking about our animal companions waiting to cross over. Life will get better, but you will never forget your friends.
Wed 07/25/2007 10:31 PM
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